A Trip to the Emergency Room - But Ema is Fine

For the past four days, Ema has had quite a bit of pain in her affected leg right above and to the inside of the kneecap. We both attributed it to walking around the OC swapmeet for a couple of hours on Sunday which represented the most walking she had done at one time in a while. But by Thursday evening when the pain wasn't going away, we stopped attributing it to sore muscles.

This painful area also was slightly discolored and was warm to the touch. I, being a knee-jerk hypochondriac with just enough medical knowledge to cause problems, assumed a femoral aneurysm or DVT (deep vein thrombosis). Those two ideas were enough for Ema to agree to call her doctor at 8:30 last night. The doctor-on-call suggested we go to our local hospital and have a sonogram (ultrasound) run on that leg to rule out any blood clots or other nasties.

We were in and out in just about two hours which ain't bad for an emergency room in a city of any size. No blood vessel trauma or anything else showed up on the sonogram. The doctor gave her a prescription for antibiotics because he suspects, with her compromised immune system, she might develop cellulitis, which is an infection in connective tissues under the skin.

Home at 11:00 on a school (work) night means I'm tired this morning. Buy hey - this isn't about me - right?!? Ema will rest today, keep the leg elevated and report any worsening of the affected area to her doctor, if needed.

Now, I'm off to work.

Ema's Update - May 6, 2008

Good news! After a long time waiting, many phone calls to the doctor's office being the squeaky wheel, we finally got word that there's no change from the MRI last week to the previous one a couple of months ago. This could very well mean that the anomaly in my leg isn't a tumor, but rather bone damage as is suspected. I'll have another scan (PET) next week and a biopsy at the end of the month, but we'll worry about those things as they come. To celebrate the news today we took the kids to Ruby's diner for milkshakes and burgers. It's important to celebrate every triumph we get.

~Ema

From Ema's personal diary - Looking back

October 7th, 2007

I felt good about attaining some little goals this weekend.

• I put up the Halloween decorations and they look nice.
• I took a shower.
• Tom took the kids and I shopping at Target. It was so great to be out in the world and buying things! Yay for retail therapy! I was almost in tears buying paper plates!

This weekend, the shopping trip - they were a little slice of normal and it was wonderful!!!

. . .I LOVE normal.

MRI is Done - Now Waiting for Results

Ema had her leg MRI yesterday, but the radiologist told her that it would be Friday, at the earliest, that results would be available for her doctor. She is seeing her oncologist today and getting blood tests. Hopefully her hematocrit (portion of her blood volume occupied by red blood cells) level is up from last week. We suspect it is as she's been eating iron-rich foods and feeling a little better each day.

There are still scary times like last night when she had a wave of sickness that she said felt just like the flu. Several hours of sleep proved helpful though as she was feeling better by 3:30 this morning. By the way, does anyone ever feel okay at 3:30 in the morning? I know I don't. Perhaps I should have waited until a little later to ask her. . .oh well.

I'll give an update later as to what her doctor said today.

~ Tom

The Kanzius Machine - A Cure?

Ema and I discovered this last week and have watched that 60 Minutes video segment a couple of times now. Seems almost too good to be true.

Our feeling is that we hope public awareness will spur a flood of research money into this effort and put the human trials on a quicker track.

Your thoughts?

Tom

Each Day is a Tiny Bit Better

I am done with chemo! YAY!!! Thank God!

I had my last chemo on April 17th, and have been feeling awful ever since. But the great thing is that I know that now when I build myself back up, I get to keep it! So wonderful! I can't wait to feel better. My blood counts have been very low. We were considering a blood transfusion a few days ago, but the doctor decided I could build back up on my own. Each day is a tiny bit better.

Now I just need to get another MRI, PET scan and bone biopsy to make sure the mass in my tibia is nothing bad. I'm trying not to think of all that right now. It's a constant challenge not to be ruled by fear. I have to talk myself down all the time. I tell myself that I wouldn't walk down a scary road especially when I'm already weak. So why let my brain go to a scary place now? I'm all set up to have my tests and if they come back bad then we'll deal with it then. I am taking care of my business but I certainly don't need to fret and worry and borrow trouble. "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Deal with today and trust that you can do the same tomorrow.

Trust, control and ultimately faith - huge issues!

~Ema

Forgiveness in Trying Times

I yelled at my son the other day over a towel.

He had used a new towel instead of re-using his other towel, (that was still perfectly clean), after I had told him which towel to use.

In my defense, I was utterly exhausted and fed up with the endless laundry our house generates daily. However, that was not a good enough reason to yell at my child like I did. I felt awful and after I calmed down I came in to where he was sitting. I sat next to him and told him I was sorry and asked for his forgiveness.

My sweet boy forgave me and said he understood. What am I teaching my children as I go through this difficult time? I think I am teaching them that we do the best we can but sometimes we still break. But then we put ourselves back together and try to right the wrong we have caused. That there is no shame in admitting an error and asking for forgiveness.

There is great honor in granting that forgiveness as well. I'm not perfect and therefore, my children know that I don't expect perfection from them either.

Later that evening I let him stay up ½ hour later than normal. We read books side by side on my bed, enjoying our companionable silence. He thinks that getting to stay up late was a reward for putting up with his crazy mommy.

I know that the reward was actually for me, getting to spend some happy, quiet time with my firstborn son. It was my reward for trying my best, however far from perfection that may be.