I’m so relieved it’s almost indescribable. I feel like I have slipped out from under the sword. I know the sword still hangs above me but it’s not as close as I feared it was.
We are now at the place we had hoped for since hearing the diagnosis.
REMISSION!!!
It has been such a difficult year and yet I feel like I got off easy. I’m so lucky because I’m still here. My heart breaks for those in the cancer world who fight as hard as I fought but with worse results. I know I may join their ranks at any time and that is incredibly frightening. Cancer will always be a part of my life. I will spend the rest of my life searching my body for it. The amazing thing to me is that it looks like I will have a good shot at “the rest of my life”. When I was diagnosed with this rare, aggressive cancer we truly didn’t know if I was at the beginning of the end. Was it a bump in the road or the end of the road?
Now it looks like we can start planning for the future again. Looking forward years down the road. I know it’s all tenuous. I know I could get hit by a bus…but at least that bus isn’t barreling down toward me right now. That bus has veered off for a while. It may come back at any time but with this clean biopsy I can relax a little.
Everyone says to live like there will be no tomorrow. All we have is right now. I’m sorry but it is exhausting living like that! Trying to appreciate every little bit of everything, wondering if each special event is the last one you’ll have; it’s emotionally exhausting. Of course you want to appreciate your life and the people you love, but running around trying to wring every last drop out of life wears you out. There is a happy medium where I live my life, take care of my business and love and enjoy as much as possible. That’s where I am and it is such a blessed lovely place. Time to take a breath…
~Ema
No comments:
Post a Comment